4210 and Suite 380



AN EMAIL CHANGES IT ALL...

So let me just say this: Don't dump your fianc� in an email. Ok, I said it. I had to get that out. As ways to end relationships go, that's pretty much the worst. I'm sure there actually are worse ways out there, and I empathize. Let me tell you my story. It all started in 2000...
"Anybody taping the games tomorrow?? I asked, as we all stretched in the circle."
"I can, but you can just come over and watch them if you want," offered Nick.
Without really thinking about it, I accepted. That's when my story started. The 'games' were the 2000 Olympic games, and the sport we had a vested interest in, was gymnastics. That was our sport by trade. Performing, competing, living and breathing gymnastics for the last fourteen years. The athletes on the television screen were our idols, the men we aspired to be. I'm sure it was a dream of each of us to be there some day, though it never worked out quite that way.
So I ventured to Nick's house, a mere hour from Annapolis, where we attended the Naval Academy. We were in our second year, so we weren't allowed to have cars. Somehow I managed to have one parked in the neighborhoods of Annapolis though. So I loaded my car with teammates to go watch the Olympics. That was the day I first met with a renewed interest, Nick's sister Aimee. She'd been to our meets before, but somehow I never noticed her. Or perhaps she'd just changed in the last year. In any case, I found myself interested in her. In any case, I ended up dating her for a year or so. We went to the Academy's formal dance at the end of junior year, called the Ring Dance. I had the crazy idea to set my sister, Mindi, up with Nick for the dance. But it all worked out well for the dance. All was well for about eight months, and Aimee decided to have what I like to call, a maturity regression. No longer was I satisfying enough for her. No longer was I exciting. No longer was I the only guy for her, as I found out eventually. This all happened over the course of about three months. Then it all culminated one morning, as I sat in the classroom before Robotics, and I checked my email. And there it was. The email that changed my life drastically. She said it was only fair she gave the ring back. My heart sank, and I teared up. Needless to say, class was difficult that day, as well as the next, and the next. And I've not heard from her since then, except she was at graduation, for Nick. She's never had the courage to talk to me, to explain herself, or apologize. I guess I just really want an apology for acting so immature. But I have basically lost all respect for her, and I do not feel I'm in the wrong here.
Around the middle of May of 2001, my sister invited me up to Pittsburgh to relax, vent, party, and have a good time. I accepted, and caught a ride up with Nick, who was going to see my Mindi already. We had a good time, drinking more than ever before, and being more violently ill than ever before, as well. I was doing my best to drink to forget. I even met a great girl there named Emili, though she had a boyfriend. But it was a very much needed weekend, and I'm glad I went.
So thus begins the saga of life between 4210 and suite 380. I live at 4210 Langley Ave. My sister lives in Suite 380. I live in Pensacola, and she's in Pittsburgh. I live with Nick and Erin, and she lives with Emili, Kim, and Kate.
THE PLAYERS

So I sit here in my room often, contemplating my circumstances, and wondering if they are a reflection of me or just luck. So my name is Dan, I'm 23, and I am a romantic. I'm not ashamed of it, and I think it's pretty cool. Very few things are as beautiful as a sunset in Waikiki, or a moonlit walk on the beach at midnight. I am also an intuitive person, having put together my first sprinkler at the age of two, with extra parts left over. And it still works today! I live here in a house with Nick and Erin. Erin is fairly normal, so this book obviously isn't about her. Nick is 23 also, and we've been friends for the last five years or so. For the first couple years, we thought we were twins separated at birth, we were so similar. Or so it seemed on the surface. But Nick is not a romantic by any stretch of the word. He's also not optomistic about anything. He's cynical about life, and bitter towards the world. I don't know why, but he just is. I hypothesize that he's very insecure about himself, for some reason or another. Maybe because he's only 5'4". Maybe some other reason. But he does seem very worried about what other people think, and he always doubts himself.
Nick is dating my sister, Mindi. What can I say about Mindi, she's my sister. She's 19 years old, and a sophomore in college. She is also a diver. She's putting herself through college on an NROTC scholarship. I don't think she likes the idea of being in the military, but it was a way to pay for school at the time. She dated Nick from Ring Dance in 2001, until about August of that year. At that point she and Nick parted ways, so she could 'explore' college boys. In any case, they started talking again at the end of that school year, and have been together since. She is also not a romantic, and neither she nor Nick have an ounce of intuition. I don't know how they get by. It's like the blind leading the blind!
At school Mindi lives in a suite. Suite 380 in fact. In that suite live Mindi, Emili, Kim, and Kate. While Mindi dives, Emili and Kate swim, and Kim used to swim. It seems to be an aquatic oriented group. Well, in the fall of 2002, I went back up to Pittsburgh to visit again, and I met Emili a second time, though each of our circumstances had changed. I was no longer wallowing in anguish, and she was no longer encumbered by her now ex-boyfriend. It seemed perfect to me. Once again, I was drawn to her, but this time there was no other guy in the way of the whole idea. So one thing led to another, and we started dating in October. I love her, and I couldn't be happier!
Emili, oh Emili. What shall I share about Emili? She's 5'10", very thin, and one of the brightest people I know. She's a double major at Carnegie Mellon University. She's a swimmer, with a good work ethic and good discipline. She is truly an amazing girl. She's a romantic traditionalist, with plenty of intuition to top it all off! She's gorgeous, bright, funny, and sarcastic. Perfect for me! She has been battling a stomach disorder this past semester that leaves her able to eat but a few things, such as rice cakes and baby food. But hopefully the doctors are going to be able to help her soon.
So here we are, four people who all have a circle of connections. I live with Nick, he dates my sister, my sister lives with Emili, and I date Emili. Does this seem strange to anyone else? But Nick and I have our situations in Florida, whilst the girls live in not-so-sunny Pittsburgh. Maybe we're all just asking for it.
A CIRCLE OF TORMENT

So as you might imagine, this whole circle puts a huge amount of stress on each person. Whenever anything is shared or introduced as new information, every person in the circle has heard it by the end of the day. So for a while I really had to watch what I said to Emili, lest it be passed on and taken the wrong way. I'm sure every other person does that still, or at least did that at the beginning. I talk to Emili on the phone every night, and Nick and Mindi talk too. I feel that Emili and I communicate better because we don't argue about asinine details, or points so insignificant that they could only be argued for the sake of arguing. Perhaps we just truly understand each other. But we pay the price for that as well. Both Emili and I are excluded by Nick and Mindi on a fairly regular basis. Whether they harbor resentment, or are just sick of us, who can really say. They certainly don't! But luckily, a skilled introvert knows how to entertain himself. Mindi is especially antagonistic towards me. I think deep down she is either resentful or jealous of my success. Perhaps both. But that seems to make her lash out and make cutting remarks about everything all the time. It's the sort of remark that is impossible to tell whether it's truly meant, or perhaps a joke. She's very good at those. She doesn't really endear herself to anyone, except somehow Nick.
I've had numerous people comment on how weird the situation is. In fact, those that know me often use the little story to make light of their own situations. It is funny to a degree. The idea that my little sister is making all the same mistakes I did, but is too stubborn to acknowledge. But in time, she'll realize what she's doing. At least, that's my hope.
So now enters the roommate Kim into the circle. Newton's second law states that if an external force is introduced into the system, it will result in an acceleration in the direction of the unbalanced force. Kim is the unwanted external force acting on a completely skewed version of the facts. She actually lives in the same room as Mindi, so she hears Mindi's end of conversations. She basically only knows what Mindi tells her. So when Mindi ends up crying four nights a week, she might realize something is wrong, but she relies on Mindi's communication skills, which we've already deemed as 'severely lacking'. Kim's opinion is that Mindi is the poor offended party here, and we should all be nicer to Mindi. HA! The joke is on her! If she only knew what Mindi had been doing all this time. I actually wish not the walls could talk, but the phone lines. And perhaps they could set Kim straight on the whole story. And my fist is going to be the acceleration towards the unbalanced force, if she doesn't shape up!
YOU MIGHT BE CATHOLIC IF...

So about a month ago, Nick proposes to my sister. To me, this is very weird, given my past relation to his sister. But she still has two years of school left, so I figure there is plenty of time to worry about the details later, right? No no no. If you'd thought that, you'd be wrong. Almost immediately after that day, they fight more than ever before! And sadly, it's not about important issues. More often than not, it's an argument about the bridesmaids dress color. Call me old fashioned, but I though that was the bride's choice. What guy would even have an opinion? The only guys that have strong fashion opinions seem to be those other than heterosexual. But also, who would start worrying about these things two years in advance?! For some reason, Mindi and Nick have their own plans, and they won't change them. They have started planning things without my parents' input, and they expect them to foot the bill. I personally think that's way out of line. They also want to have the wedding in Annapolis, not either of their hometowns. As I understood it, weddings happen in the hometown of the bride. This seems to exclude most of the friends that would have come otherwise. From this point forward, I will refer to Nick as Ringboy, and Mindi as Rockgirl (she once referred to the ring as a rock on her finger).
My personal feeling is that an engagement should be that time period when you plan the wedding. So that would dictate an engagement of about one year. To me, a two year engagment seems like he's trying to hold onto her. I really object to that, because if that's the reasoning, then they really aren't ready to marry. It's merely a sign of insecurity and being needy. If you truly love a person, and that person loves you back, you each made a commitment to the other long before you get married. I also do not like his taste in rings, but that's not important. The other strange thing is that Rockgirl really wants a Catholic wedding. There is nothing strange in and of that request, except that she doesn't practice her supposed faith at all. I'm not saying I'm a perfect Catholic, because who really is? But she doesn't go to church anymore. So to me, it seems unreasonable that she's insistant upon a Catholic ceremony. A hypothesis from one of her roommates is that she just wants to get married so she can have sex. It's a possibility I'll admit. Her brain doesn't seem to function in quite the way most people's do.
But the latest news is that they want to move the wedding up about nine months to next summer. Her reasoning is, and get this, "one of us might die in combat." I laugh at this, because I know she'll be stuck on a ship, and they are about the safest places to be these days. Nick will be in the back seat of some plane or another. Granted, he'll be in the hands of the pilot in front of him, but I don't know any pilots with death wishes. So the lesson I'm supposed to take away from this is, "If one of us might die, we'd better hurry up and get married??" That's absurd!! It comes down to making that commitment before the actual marriage papers are signed. I'm sure it would be loads of fun to be married, and still have to live at school by yourself for that last year. Maybe I'm just completely missing the point. I do suspect, however, that if they try to go ahead with this plan, they'll find a complete lack of financial support from home. The education is not something to be taken lightly.
Throughout this whole turmoil, my mom has yet to speak to either of them in person, or even on the phone! She has only received emails explaining what they're doing. In a recent conversation, my mom equated these emails to my receiving the email from Aimee. To me, that shows how hurt her feelings are about her exclusion from the decision making process. This is not going to be an easily recoverable mistake for Nick and Mindi.
Catholic beliefs are going to be the downfall of man. I am convinced that lack of birth control will be the end of us. Let me explain. There are three basic groups of people. Those that are Catholic, those that are generally the brighter members of society, and those who are dumb and have no common sense. These groups are not mutually exclusive. The Catholic church regards any form of birth control contrary to the laws of nature, or the Natural Law. Of course, the people who know this and perhaps abide by it are generally the brighter members of society. It takes a reasonable level of enlightenment to assert your beliefs over common sense. So the Catholics wait until marriage to have children, and that is generally accepted as a good thing. The upper crust of society, whether they have beliefs or not, tend to use common sense in this area. Let's face it, if you have unprotect sex, it is likely to end in a pregnancy. So bright people use some form of birth control, and thus do not propagate as quickly as the last group. The last group consists of people who cannot, for some reason or another, use common sense. Perhaps they never got any as kids. Maybe when God offered brains, they thought he said trains, and they are very proud of their model locomotive. But these people do not have the control and restraint to wait until marriage to have sex. Nor do they have the common sense to use birth control as a means of helping themselves. While I'm not in those shoes, I could only imagine one plus of that mentality. I believe welfare pays more if you have more dependants. I think the true laws of Nature should be allowed to work, such as natural selection. If a kid falls in a well, let him stay there and think about what he's done, which is basically a favor to society. If we could eliminate the dumb part of society, I'd venture a guess to say we stand a much better chance at survival as a species. So while the Catholic church made a good attempt at this, it probably only worked hundreds of years ago, if at all. I think the interpretation should be, 'do not interfere with the natural laws of reproduction unless it would result in a threat to the survival of the species, aka dumb kid.' But that's just my humble opinion. China has a good idea, that would never work here. They must apply to have a child past the first one. I think Americans should go through some sort of application process in order to earn the right to raise children. Unfortunately, that would not be in keeping with the current democratic form of government. Gee, we wouldn't want to infringe upon people's rights to privacy, even though they don't even know what that is.
But back to Rockgirl and Ringboy. It has been hypothesized that they only want to get married so they can have sex. Though that may seem a very dumb reason for marriage, I'm sure that is playing some part in this whole deal. So it somewhat feels like the Catholic beliefs are the ones pushing for this marriage. I don't know whether it will work or not, but I think the motivation is a little skewed.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?

Well, this little circle seems to have accelerated everyone's emotions and feelings. Rockgirl and Ringboy will go off and do their own thing I suspect, though I'm not sure how long I expect it to last. I hope it works out. I really do, but I have some concerns. Myself? I couldn't be happier with Emili, and I just had a ring custom made, and sized for her. And my taste in rings is very good! So what will happen in five years? Ten? I figure Ringboy will continue to gain weight and lose hair, and Rockgirl will have as many children as she can. Not exactly the romantic couple, I know. But you can only pity them, because after all, it's the blind leading the blind.
It was read to me that couples that fight a great deal before they get married continue to fight, and it doesn't get any better. I think Rockgirl and Ringboy are under the impression that everything will change after they get married. But I maintain that you should each still be the person you were, right? So what is going to change after exchanging a few vows? Now it's legally harder to dump your significant other. That's about it. I think of the legal documents are mere formality, because the unwritten commitment was agreed to long ago. Hopefully by the time of the engagement. Based on the stress, fighting, hurting words, and lack of communication with the family, my mom isn't sure it will last. My mom's current position is this: She'll contribute some money, and she'll come to the wedding wherever it is, but she also has a list of people she expects to be invited. I think that she is being very good about the whole thing. I know I'd be much more ticked than that! But supposedly Rockgirl and Ringboy have all the details already worked out. But as the bride's mother, I'd expect to play some part in the whole deal. I would just be greatly disappointed in my daughter.
LEARNING TO STUDY

So flight school is a rude shock to the system after almost a year vacation from using my brain. I expected that to a degree, but what I didn't expect is the studying I'm learning to do! I managed to get through my whole career as a student without really studying. Until now. Six classes in four weeks, with exams for each course. Sounds like a blast, right? Anyways, I have found success in studying with Laura and Lauren, and occasional other people who join in our group. Of the class's three perfect Aerodynamics II exams, two of them were Laura's and mine. Ringboy came to a study session for weather, and afterwards commented that he didn't think the girls really like him much. I mumbled a bit, and told him he was probably imagining it. But he's right! They don't like being accosted by constant pessimism and cynicism. Plus he doesn't have a good hold on his own anger management system. He has a propensity to throw things when upset or angered. He's broken two phones by throwing them, and destroyed a keyboard to date. And those are just the ones I've been around to witness. In any case, they don't have him to be a pleasure to be around. And I understand exactly where they're coming from. Laura says he's a fat man, and just letting himself go. Basically she is repulsed by him in every respect. So just imagine what would happen if he kept coming to the study group. There would be some uncomfortable tension that would definitely make for a not-so-relaxed environment.
So basically I just go to study with them, and Nick can study for himself. I would think he'd have developed his study skills to a fairly high degree by this point. In any case, I figure it's understood that I'm usually excluded and doing my own thing. So that should make him happy. But then Rockgirl complains to me that I'm not including him in the study group, and that he always includes me. I think their communication skills are severely underdeveloped if that's the story she's hearing. She then proceeds to ask me if I think I'm above being nice to him. As you can tell, this conversation is just going downhill. So I just end it by not answering. She's rather a pain in the ass if you ask me. I really don't see much hope for their future.
The morning of the Engines exam, during Nick's week to drive, he left without me. He just left without saying a word to me! I hopped in my car, and I got to the base with plenty of time to spare, but that wasn't the point. On the way in, I left a really nasty voicemail on his phone. This is reminiscent of another time he left me somewhere, but we were in Annapolis. He asked me if I wanted to eat at Taco Bell, and I said sure. It sounded like a good idea. And then on the way out to the car, he told me I was driving, because he wanted to ride his motorcycle. At that point I was a little peeved. Why should I drive, if we're going the same place for the same thing? It just didn't make sense to me. Plus, my car was in the stages right before replacing the distributor, and it wasn't doing so well. So we start driving, and he just takes off on his bike. I'm doing all I can to keep up, but my car is hurting. So by the time we get to Taco Bell, I was pretty pissed off. I started fussing at him, and telling him I was upset. Then, as I'm about going through the doors to go in, he just turned around and left!! I got my food and went back home again. This exam day was worse though, because if, for some reason, my car had not started, I'd have been standing before a review board. I think in addition to his tendency to vent his anger in a physical manifestation, he also has desertion tendencies. I wonder what will be next.
6 MONTHS TO GO....

So as of today, there are a mere 6 months until the alleged wedding. Things are so out of hand. I moved out of the 4210 residence when Nick installed a padlock on his door, to keep me out of his room? About the same time, he started removing his bowls and pots from the kitchen so I couldn't use them. He has some serious communication issues. So once I found out I'd be flying helicopters for the navy, I decided to move out and live on my own. It was probably the best decision I've made in the last year! Now I have all the privacy I want, and there's just something to be said for peace of mind. Having a lingering paranoia or hostility pent up really takes its toll. So anyways, I moved out, constructed my own bed out of wood, and bought a pet water dragon. Life is good. Or so one would think!! Emili is still having to deal with Mindi every day. And, as of late, the term Rockgirl has been replaced with The Inconsiderate Bitch. It has a satisfying ring to it, no? But I digress. The chapel is booked, the deposit has been paid for reserving the reception place, and she has a wedding dress. But wait, they still haven't picked the wedding party! I know I never went through the wedding process to completion, but I would assume you would give advanced notice for the people you'd like at your wedding. And to top it off, Mindi spends about every other night on the phone with Nick, crying. One day last week, she actually called my mom to talk things through. And my mom asked her to assess how she feels right now. Is this how she wants to feel for the rest of her life? It made sense to me. But of course, in a couple days, Mindi and Nick were all better again. It's frustrating how obstinate they both are. My mom is setting plans in motion to get them both to a domestic violence counselor. Everyone I know is concerned. And perhaps the next step after that is to mention something to the priest in Richmond, and voice our concerns. And Emili is not getting any better, physically. Along with the mental torture of living with Mindi, she's having a very rough time at school. I'm really hoping that Mindi either leaves the suite next year or gets kicked out by the current roommates. I guess even if the wedding happens, at least it will be over in July. This sure seems like a low point for the family.

On the other hand, I have just had my first two flights in the TH-57 Bell Ranger helicopter. Now THAT is fun! I really can't remember the last time I've had to use my coordination like that. There is just something satisfying about hovering 5 feet over the ground. Of course, flying at 80 knots at 5 feet is also pretty fun! I wasn't very sure I'd like helicopters when I was first assigned, but I think it'll turn out to be a blast. And it makes life easier when you enjoy your job. And just remember the motto of the CH-53D community: Don't piss us off, or we'll move your house."

By Dan Finnegan